jag sade att han var beroende av oberoende. han sade att han bara undvek beroende. det är en viss skillnad. jag är beroende av beroende, och undviker oberoende. tja, eller det intalar jag mig själv när jag inte kan åstadkomma oberoende.
i am on a constant quest. i search for people, moments, feelings, embraces, photographs, lyrics. constantly.
recently i've been very tired of sitting around, not asking, not craving, not going and doing. it's an inner and outer quest, and i will now try to make it an outer quest even more. to take the step out of my own mind, my own dreams, my own ambitions. the step towards creating reality instead of fantasy.
i ask for co-writers, models. i ask for music, poetry. i go after what doesn't come to me. i try to dare.
it's not easy. not by any means. but whatever career i will have, whatever life, whatever relationships - they depend on me reaching for them. needing them and actually getting them. so if i ask you something, don't think i'm insane. i'm finally getting in touch with my sanity. embrace my quest.
p.s. i'm not a cat person, but there has been something about eyes lately. anyone's eyes.