lessons learned

ray lamontagne with his "lessons learned" has got me bound.

[LaMontagne does not consider himself an entertainer; he writes, records, and performs his music and hopes that, in so doing, sheer passion and music will triumph. "I always just express myself," he says. "I just kind of let them go, my songs. There are songwriters and musicians out there who are entertainers. They have so much fun. I envy that sometimes. They're having such a great time."

For LaMontagne, songwriting does not exist as a task that one completes irrespective of whatever else goes on in the life of the songwriter: Instead, the work takes shape and flight as the result of what happens to the songwriter. "Songs come from different places," LaMontagne says. "Some are like exercises. They could be very good songs. But others come from more purely emotional places."]

last fractions

the last fractions of my sister's ep are now recorded. left is mixing and mastering. release in may. i feel so good about this. i feel like i'm actually doing something.

i had a good day today. the kind that makes you wanna take that next step, wake up one more day, live this life to its' end. a day walking around in the city with my best friend, drinking coffee and laughing over retirement, looking at cds we can't afford and watching old men throwing up. it's spring.

this scream is the past.

adrenaline

a rush of adrenaline through my body as past and present met on the dancefloor. i would have defended you to the grave. and as i watch one last episode of the OC i cry rivers and think of all the stupid fights and how we've gotten through them. i think of T.I.-kisses and holding your hand. things that make me certain. best friends is forever and for always. i thank you for everything you've done for me, and everything you continue doing. i thank you for loving me. you're my adrenaline.

***

a week or two, then yet another fight. i wish it wouldn't drain me like it does. but i just won't take the first step. i just won't say i'm sorry, because this time i wasn't all that wrong.
the studio is one of the best things that ever happened to me, but will i let it ruin us? no, i'll step back if i have to. but then again - what are we without the music? tell me, tell me.

***

i was brave today too. i told him what i felt, and that it wasn't what he thought, and that he needed to get over himself. i was so scared, but i had to. sometimes you just have to. have to not shut up all the time. and the response calmed me. miscommunicated signals. we're okay, we're good. giggety-giggety.

***

time for dinner and jazz. relax me, c, s & a-s.

***

SJÄLAKLIPP

igår saknade jag dem, ikväll blir det nog likadant. det är som om varje minut tillbringad i deras frånvaro är bortkastad. som om musiken spelar i deras takt, livet flimrar förbi i deras takt, mitt hjärta slår i deras takt. så om världen skulle gå under ikväll - ja, då skulle den gå under i otakt.

men så kan man inte tänka, tänker jag och nynnar "come on gjarosi, nönönönö..." NI ÄR MITT SJÄLAKLIPP.