hospitals and surgery and missing out on thunder

so much blood used for determining what i am and what is wrong with that. it's not that bad and surgery will be later on. hopefully. now i want to focus on getting to sweden. getting it all written out. spoken out. lived out.

spent the weekend away from thunder. unfortunately. spent the weekend with me and movies that made me believe in functionality. held your hand sometimes, cooked us dinner, watched them smile over pennies and choirs.

i think i've left him behind now. i admire them too much. i love my sanity too much. i fear heart break too much. for now. so many heart beats used for determining what he is and what is great about that. it's not good enough. i'm glad that's the case.

//sicky.

PS. the photo is me and my sister not being able to contain ourselves. it was late. it was misty. it was post-music-madness.

this is time passing

time passes fast during summer nights, hot and bright, during summer days of rain and vodka-dreaming reality-slips. i make up words to conquer my own anxiety and i wonder why my whole body itches. i hear her voice on the radio. it sooths me while my heart dreams nightmares about stockholm and losing what i'll never be able to call your loss. not mine either, since i never had it. you.

time passes fast and i'm sure you spent at least a minute reading this. was it worth it?