i have moments when it feels like it's all just too much. i might cry a little over that fact. and over all the reasons it feels like it's all just too much. but i soon realize that i can't erase this feeling of exploding, it's part of my experience. i could not go on feeling less when i have felt this much.
i have changed my mind about a lot of things lately. for one thing: they say you can't love someone else before you love yourself. it sounds nice and true, until you think about the soul. i think the phenomenon of not loving yourself is part of the brainwashing we've gone through. it's just an idea. the soul can't do anything but love. i think that even if you sometimes can't feel that love for yourself you can always feel it when you love someone else. especially as you always love others for the same reasons you love yourself. we are all the same. it's okay to sometimes want someone there to love, because through that expression you also express your own self-worth. ah, it's a beautiful thing.
it also teaches you what to look for when you seem lost for things to love about yourself. remember what you've loved in others, and what they have said to love in you. the truth is plain to see. love is not a hard thing, really. it's just so fucking mindblowing that it sometimes scares the shit out of us.
but we have infinite power to be whoever we want to be, and do whatever we want to do. that doesn't mean we don't need, want or deserve someone to hold hands with. as a matter of fact it's a big part of that power. we are here on this earth, in this body to experience love. in all forms, the stronger the emotion the better - the more you learn - the more you love - the better it gets... you see the pattern? everything is better. all the time. if you dare to love a little and believe that we are all one but born separate to experience this life, and each other, to finally find the feeling of being One again.
i still just have an idea of how it all works. but i'm on the right track. i love and i am loved. i have done something right.