Thursday, December 28, 2006

should i?

2007 is closing up, maybe faster than i'd wish for. new year's eve will not be as i had hoped, but i'm used to things changing now, diminishing, and i cope with it better than i used to. still, it sure can throw me off track for minutes easily counted.
2006 was probably better than any year previous. last year i found strength through the new best friend B, this year i have truly been breathing that strength. he still sees me cry, and hates me for it, sometimes. but the times lessen as time goes, and i can truly say my teenage years, my childhood, is behind me and i have let it go enough to smile every day.
my dad called a couple of days ago after six months of silence. and he actually said he had expected a christmas gift from me. come on! was that your sorry for not calling me? dinner tomorrow will be painful.
i got to interview a new interesting person yesterday. her wisest words: "what needs to be repeated is no longer certain."
that is beautiful. now i repeat that pain over and over again, maybe to make it less certain.

this was a good year. a lot of days with happy endings, as a friend of mine wrote. i own a studio with my best friends. i study film. i live by myself and can live with myself. i have spent countless nights laughing and crying with the person i love most. i have made wonderful music with my sister that i finally connected to on a deeper level. i've been happy more often than sad.