shine a light

i'm balancing on a fine line between disappointment and gratefulness. christmas spirit? i don't know. things move so fast when there's a party and you talk, no boundaries, you resolve everything and move on. things move so fast when things are understood but in the wrong sense, and you can't resolve anything and you still have to move on.

you should never push anyone away just for caring. you might think you don't need this friend now, you've got enough friends that care. still, you should never push anyone away for caring. someday you might not afford it.

this is what i'm telling you. misunderstand if you feel like it, but i'm moving on. this is you having to resolve everything yourself.

jolly.

VCC

photo by: toffelito.

a new movie is being filmed. this is me and toffa hiding out in the Virtual Command Center.

musketeers

watching american pie 2 on my ceiling.
iik, longjohn and toffelito.

"regissören"

it's time to enter the cutting room. the short film "regissören" has finally been filmed, it's over, it's done. this week has been too much, too little, of nothing, of everything. i've directed, sometimes bad, sometimes good. i've also taken direction when needed. i've shouted silence, camera, action and such things. i've spent the nights having dinner with him and them, planning for the next day, never getting enough rest. i have believed in the film, and lost that belief. i've gotten disappointed. mostly in myself. but i haven't cried.

well, until it was over. people who have never worked with film will never understand, and that's fine. but the intensity... my god, i just needed a safe place, something to hold me down, hold me still when it was all over. but no one was there.

what now? oh yeah. moving and moving on. next week a new movie is being filmed. it's not my movie.

and yes, this is a sigh of relief. *sigh*

ANNA PHOENIX @ AE 7.11.2007

det var första gången. det var fullsatt. det var helt jävla fantastiskt.

isstjärnor

NI ÄR MINA ISSTJÄRNOR



"the cure is if you let in just a little more of love
i promise you this; a little's enough"

inflyttningsfest

//vi bjöd in oss själva, trängde oss på. vi plockade i och ur hans lådor, möblerade och hällde upp tequila. vi spelade poker om tusentals dollar men inte så engagerat att vi inte kunde glömma spelet mitt i för dans i horisontalt läge. jag sov på ett nattkallt golv hos honom och kände mig välkommen trots kylan och mattans ludd över hela mig.//








//edit:

och han gav mig musik. angels and airwaves bland annat.

"I, I can do anything
If you want me here
And I can fix any thing
If you'll let me near
Where are those secrets now?
That you're too scared to tell
I whisper them all aloud
So you can hear yourself"